Dear possibly lgbt children,

I know you're having a hard time with your non-conforming gender issues. People 'concern troll' you by removing you from situations in which bullies are being homo or transphobic. They think this is 'protecting' you from them and we can all see that it's just giving the bullies implicit permission and validates thier wrong opinions.

We all know that there is nothing wrong with being gay or trans or both, but these people think that if you stopped acting like it, you would experience less bullying and less bullying is what we all want! "It's for your own good!", they will say. It's so gross and hurtful, I know.


If you are lucky though, your story could go viral and so many feminists and lgbt allies will rally around your right as a child born with a penis to wear dresses and keep your books in whichever backpack you so desire! Progress!

As your friendly neighborhood lesbian, I'm here to warn you that people really want you to get that whole 'non-conforming gender' thing out of your system before you grow up. Once you are no longer a cute, injured baby seal, people will change their tune. Yes, even feminists and lgbt allies. That is the heteronormative world we live in and cishet adults are heavily investing in it's continuation. You see, your bullies opinions were not formed in the womb. Adults gave them those opinions and it seems those opinions are totally reasonable, if you ask them.

Straight, cis adult 'allies' will actively and intentionally distance other adults who do not conform to gender. They will mock them with jokes, they will consider all the reasons why dehumanization of certain people is normal and acceptable and not homo or transphobic.


They will distance themselves, in comedic ways of course, because they aren't phobic, this is just funny. Reasonable cishet people do not want to be mistaken for lgbt people or even people who look like lgbt people and will argue with you for hours about how reasonable a view that is, ignoring the lgbt people who speak all the time about how this distancing effects them.


They won't be listening but they will all claim not to be phobic. It will make you crazy. You're a kid right now, so understand that no one will come out and ask or speculate as to your sexuality or gender identity - you're just a child and could grow to be anything, even a cishet normal person! People would like to ensure you have the right to grow up to be anything you are once you discover it! So progressive! Be aware though that cishet peoples understanding of the range of lgbt people is extremely limited and if you don't wind up fitting perfectly into a box that they understand, it will seem like you are back in grade school, except your story will never go viral and no feminists will rally for you, since you are no longer a cute baby seal with the potential of being straight and cis. In fact, they will construct arguments against your point of view.


Once you grow up, all bets will be off. People will make fun of you and/or dehumanize and/or distance themselves from you. They will question your personal identification because how you identify is very important to their understanding of whether they are doing anything wrong (yes, sometimes people will stop you on the street and ask dehumanizing questions). If you ID as trans vocally upon questioning, they may leave you alone and maybe even fight for you if you're a trans woman and you're stereotypically beautiful enough! If you are cis, though, you had better not cross-dress or people will engage in all of the above oppressive behaviors and justify it to themselves.

No one will be able to tell your ID just by seeing you walk down the street, so the assumption will be be 'freak' and mocking, but if you manage to be in a safe position tell them you are trans, they will fall all over themselves apologizing, if they're liberal. Tomorrow, they will not have changed, though.


Please remember this and know at the same time that there are tons of lgbt folks behind you as you grow up, even if you don't see them. We stand beside you as you walk down the street enduring questions and photo ops. We share your voice as you cry for representation. We shake our damned heads with you when you lament that seriously, at this point you would be happy with people just not actively mocking you, even if people can't get around to being positive.

We love you. We mean it.


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